Dodgeball for Democrats

Imagine you’re playing dodgeball, a team sport where a unified goal—hit members of the other team in the face or the groin—must be achieved for success.

OK, imagine one of your teammates gets drilled in the nuts because everyone else on your team was more concerned about protecting the person perceived to be a better leader. The person who was hit with the ball should accept his fate, pull for his teammates, and yell nice things like, “Now hit their guys in the seeds!” That’s how dodgeball is played, or at least how I remember it.

Now imagine if your eliminated teammate chose not to be the rah-rah type, but rather, decided to stand on the sideline and throw stray dodgeballs in the direction of his teammates. This would be distracting to the spectators trying to focus on the players who are still in the game, not to mention the fact that he might end up eliminating his team’s de-facto captain through his actions. All the while, this sidelined player refuses to accept that he wasn’t chosen team captain, and furthermore, refuses to accept that he’s no longer in the game. And although his antics will likely prove detrimental to your team, ironically he still wears his jersey with your team’s name across the chest.

This wouldn’t sit well with your team or your team’s fans for a couple of reasons. One, the fans determine the team captain in the same manner that All-Star rosters are selected—they vote. So even though they might have worn one guy’s jersey for years, when they decide somebody else needs to lead your team, they expect the old guard to take a seat on the bench and not trip your new captain.

Second, your team hasn’t won the majority of the dodgeball tournaments very often, but this season, you might have a shot at finishing with a winning record, which would mean you would be LEAGUE CHAMPION and could pretty much control the league until the next season. (Never mind that the league commissioner disagrees with your team on every aspect of the game.)

So you’d want your team to win one of the tournaments it had successfully captured the season before, right?

Well, apparently some approach dodgeball a little differently in Connecticut.