Tune 'em out, Tony

I wasn't going to say a whole lot about Tony Kornheiser's "Monday Night Football" debut, partly because it was a preseason game but primarily because it was his first time in the booth. When I'm deciding whether or not to follow a TV show, I usually give it more than one episode before I bail. I even lasted two episodes of "Windfall" this summer before saying "No dice, Chino."

But then Washington Post style editor Paul Farhi delivered a negative critique of his colleague's work (including the useful barb, "Tony, get a tan"), which was followed by Kornheiser referring to Farhi as a "two-bit weasel slug" in his column the next day.

Before I go any further, let me say I'm a Tony guy. Not just because I'm bald, cynical, and loud about sports stuff, it's because...OK, it's because I'm bald, cynical, and loud about sports stuff. There could be worse reasons.

So I want to tell Tony not to worry about this Farhi guy (shown at right). He sounds like the kind of guy who would reply to the question "Who's playing tonight?" with something like "The Giants of New York versus the Browns of Cleveland," if not "I do not care to know the opposing squads in this exhibition of barbarism, sir."

And after Farhi criticized Tony's skin tone in his review of a broadcasting gig, I found myself curious as to how Mr. Farhi fares under the lights. My first impression after doing a Google images search? If you simulated what JonBenet's suspected killer (shown at right) would look like in about 10 years, that's what you get with Mr. Farhi. No tan can fix that, either.

But I would tell Tony that within the negative review reside some nuggets of truth. First off, take off the gloves when dealing with that chump who mispronounces his name just so it rhymes with an individual award in college football. You had some decent exchanges with him, particularly the Newhart zinger. That's what we want, more sly wit, more debate, more Theismann getting served.

(One Joe Theismann fact that I just learned today, from Wikipedia: Theismann returned punts for the Redskins while he waited for his shot to be their starting QB. That's actually quite impressive. But in the booth? Still an ass.)

Second, don't filter yourself. Farhi did cite one PR-ish quote from you, regarding next week's contest between the Saints and the Cowboys: "Reggie Bush is the kind of player people will pay money to see!" That's the kind of drivel that had Wilbon said it on PTI, you would have raked him over the coals. Granted, it was said within the constraints of live TV, with the pressure of millions of viewers; I've made something like seven revisions to this piece, for an audience that numbers in the tens. But you're able to do your thing on PTI without swearing or fouling up too bad, so go all out. After all, Stat Boy isn't hovering over your shoulder on this show.

But wouldn't that be a lot of fun if the booth consisted of Tony Reali on play-by-play along with Wilbon and Kornheiser as color commentary? Reali has handled play-by-play before--covering Fordham University, which shows he can handle the tedium of the most lopsided of games--and Wilbon and Kornheiser could just do their PTI thing after each play. Their "Five Good Minutes" interviews would be a vast improvement over the typical in-booth interview, and they could do "Food Chain" segments (my suggestion: hottest sideline reporters).

So Tony, what I'm trying to say is this: don't save your energy for rebuttal columns. Bring the "two-bit weasel slug" comments to the two-bit weasel slug sitting in the booth with you and Mike Tirico. Even Farhi would appreciate that.