Oscar picks

I've seen as many 2006 movies in the past two weeks as I've seen since Jan. 1, 2006, so I feel I can get at least two of these right. We'll see: a.) if my taste reflects the Academy majority; and b.) if I've been paying attention to all the buzz.

Best Actor

Who I'd like to win and why: Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson. Because I have seen this performance, unlike the other four, and I bought his act as the white liberal keeping it real in the inner city classroom, and I bought his drug act. And hey, he wasn't all that bad in The Notebook, which is bragable.

Who I think will win: Forest Whitaker, Last King of Scotland. Duh.


Best Actress

Who I'd like to win and why: Penelope Cruz, Volver. For shallow reasons (she is smokin') and because she was good in the Abre Los Ojos. I haven't seen ANY of the five nominated performances, so I'm going with these criteria.

Who I think will win: Helen Mirren, The Queen. Again, even the brain-dead get this one right. One bookmaker suspended betting on the Best Actress race and paid out to anyone who had bet on Mirren. They paid out to the tune of $100,000 before the envelope was opened. So if you can find some sentimental sap to take Meryl Streep, you can get real paid. Side note: Streep and Judi Dench landing nominations is almost as tiresome as when Mad About You landed Emmy nods year after year.


Best Supporting Actor

Who I'd like to win and why: Alan Arkin, Little Miss Sunshine. He was the guy who got the horse laughs out of me, and I appreciated the bluntness and the compassion of his character. Wahlberg was great but not as dynamic as Arkin. I mean, saying motherfucker or a derivation of motherfucker can only take you so far.

Who I think will win: Arkin. Yes, Eddie Murphy has done well, but I think a lot of the Dreamgirls momentum stalled when it didn't land Best Pic. It annoys me that Dreamgirls is able to hang its hat on the "most nominations" thing when three of the musical film's eight nods are for original song.


Best Supporting Actress

Who I'd like to win and why: The supporting categories on both sides are loaded, but the women especially so. I'd like to see either of the Babel roles win, or Abigail Breslin from Sunshine. It annoys me that Babel is being marketed as "starring Brad Pitt and Cate Blanchett," when they don't have big roles nor do they particularly shine in them. Barraza and Kikuchi stole this outstanding movie from the bigger names (also including Gael Garcia Bernal), but they will probably evenly split the vote. Breslin was very funny, and she gets the Rick James vibe!

Who I think will win: Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls. The film has to win something major, I'm guessing, and she seems like a surer thing than Eddie Murphy. She's lucky the Babel actresses will split votes, though.


Best Director

Who I want to win and why: Martin Scorsese, The Departed. Because this is the film I knew he could/would do when I wrote a column for the C.R. Gazette that said Scorsese shouldn't win for The Aviator, which was not superior to Million Dollar Baby. I didn't want some sort of Al Pacino-Scent of a Woman career-rewarding Oscar. And this is why. The Departed was literally one of those edge-of-the-seat films, and it worked despite a plethora of egos that might have chewed scenery under a lesser director. This is long overdue, as Raging Bull and GoodFellas should have put two of these things on Marty's mantle, but better late than never.

Who I think will win: Stephen Frears, The Queen.

Just kidding. This is Scorsese's, even if the film doesn't win Best Pic. Although I'd call Inarritu a deserving runner-up. I haven't seen either Eastwood film this year, but I bet they're both worthy. But I'll go out on a sturdy limb and say he won't upset Marty.


Best Picture

Who I want to win and why: The Departed. I have to admit, it was hard for me to decisively pick one here, because I really, really liked Babel. Of course, I only saw it last night, so maybe I'm still feeling some afterglow. But it's close for me. Yet The Departed honestly was a two-hours-plus thrill ride, and despite all the individual talent, the whole was greater than the sum of its parts. DiCaprio was lights out and Damon always delivers the goods (although maybe not so much in that Farrelly Brothers thing, didn't see it). Outstanding. Little Miss Sunshine deserves some props too.

Who I think will win: The Departed. Because I'm on a roll lately with liking Best Picture winners, so I think the streak continues. Every year since the Lord of the Rings thing, I've been happy: Million Dollar Baby, Crash ... and now The Departed. I just wish The Prestige would have received some major-category love. That would've been a neat trick.

Swordsman update

The sword-wielding, porn-interrupting dude apparently doesn't have a story that jibes with the real world. (Big surprise.) Here's an update on the uncoachable swashbuckler.

Swordsman's claim disputed

El Loco talks hoops with some guy named Todd

This is like if me and Beast did a video version of the UG Podcast. So yeah, it dominates.

Hoops Show with Todd and "Crazy" Andrew

UPDATE: This video has been taken off the web and replaced with the latest version of Hoops Talk, which does not feature "Crazy" Andrew. So don't bother.

Iowans get a raw deal

An open letter to anyone who watched "Wife Swap" Monday night:

I speak for all but four Iowans when I say we aren't complete freakshows. Despite what you saw on the quality TV show "Wife Swap," we all haven't lost our goddamn minds.

I'd like to think that the Haigwoods, of rural Massena, Iowa, simply played up the worst stereotypical view of Iowans just for the chance to earn $20,000 (which is what the show's producers gave them, according to Erin Crawford's article in the Des Moines Register today).

Unfortunately, I don't think they were pretending. But rest assured, the rest of us here in Iowa have not become the answer to the question, "What ever happened to just plain crazy?" I like to think the Haigwood home is to Iowa what the Vatican is to Italy--its own separate entity. (Kind of like Fort Burroughs, just outside of Waukon.) However, I doubt the pope is loony enough to eat the salmonella platter--aka raw chicken chunks.

Iowans like cooked food. Iowans like hygiene (although levels of compliance aren't as high as they are for the "enjoy cooked food" category). Iowans like some form of schooling. Iowans don't like eating four-month-old raw meat. Iowans like toothpaste. Iowans use mops, brooms, Swiffers, squeegies, or scrub brushes to clean their kitchen floors--not their tongues.

Jesus.

I find it funny that the family changed to this diet to deal with the daughter's attention deficit disorder. The whole family now has a laundry list of social disorders, but at least we got that ADD taken .....................

.............. um, what was I talking about? I had a medium-well pork chop for supper and sometimes I just go all fuckin' blank in the head every now and again ...

I guess Iowa had it coming, as we got the better end of the deal when the Cedar Rapids woman had to go south to live in a Wiccan community in a previous episode of "WS." (My uncoachable wife watches the show, if you're wondering why I have such extensive "WS" knowledge.) And the Haigwoods do live in Western Iowa, where the tedium of life might inspire one to switch to an all-raw diet just for something to do. Who's to say?

OK, all kidding aside, why couldn't "Wife Swap" find an organic farm with a family a little more, um, tethered to the real world? Don't you think there would have been more value for the participants and the viewers? I know, that would have meant dumping the outrageous Iowa backwoods, missing teeth, shit-kicking, bumfuck stereotype, and why work for it when being lazy still puts food on the table?

Albeit raw.

Finally, Matter Eater Lad gets pwned

Thanks to UG correspondent Dan for this link:

10 Lamest Superheroes

A weighty issue

Thought I'd link to a decent story--I have nothing to add, other than it's been awhile since I'd heard Bubba Paris' name.

Women athletes and weight

Keeping it brief

I've been busy lately, so let's quickly recap:

Super Bowl: The Bears and the Ravens are the only two teams who could keep the score that close against the Colts despite such a statistical disadvantage. If the Colts had a 4-to-1 ratio of offensive plays against anyone else, the mercy rule would have to be applied. Rex choked. Prince rocked. Dom Rhodes should have been MVP. Peyton can make more commercials. Bob Sanders is the truth. Seeing the game in HD was an unexpected treat--good job, Mediacom.

Crazy astronaut lady: How much time did the diapers really save you? And as we discussed at work today, couldn't she leak while getting gas? At least now we know yet another answer to the question, "What ever happened to just plain crazy?"

UGs of the Day: Hadn't seen many besides the aforementioned space cadet. I'll start looking again soon. But let me share this excerpt from a phone call I had with my dad (Nealy):

Me: Did you hear about that crazy astronaut lady?

Nealy: Oh yeah.

Me: She's way out there, isn't she?

Nealy (without missing a beat): Yes, but this will bring her back down to earth.

Lost: Strong return to the airwaves. Will Mac from "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" be a permanent addition to the Others? That was a nice surprise. Much like John Locke, I have faith that won't waver any more.

Fat Man Olympics: Event at Lee's Super Bowl party, which I had to bail on due to the weather and living two hours away didn't mesh well with my 1-year-old's schedule. The Fat Man Olympics consists of Yahtzee, darts, variation of 9-ball billiards, 10-chip Texas Hold 'Em, and Nerf basketball shooting drills. There needs to be a statewide circuit established. Then go national. I would lobby to add Tecmo Super Bowl via an NES emulator. That's just me.

Weather: It's fucking cold out there.

Family: I went uncle this week (but not Uncle Boo). I think I'll have to go meet my first nephew very soon.

Pro Bowl: Yeeeeeah.

Hawks vs. Minnesota earlier tonight: Let's see, Friday Night Lights, Idol auditions, Lost spring premiere. In other words, why would I watch? Had those shows not been on, I would have found something else to watch instead of the Hawks: Sons and Daughters on UHD; The Wire on DVD; one of those religion channels (I think we get three of them among the 70-78 channel range).

Dirt: No longer on the DVR "record series" list. I'm not sure what was more painful: watching Rick Fox get strap-on fucked by a hooker, or watching that blonde girl from The 4400 try to act.

Super Bowl ads: Oprah-and-Dave promo was great. Federline one was pretty funny. Snickers should have joined forces with GoDaddy; how hot would that have been ...

And last but not least, FOUR: I wouldn't have blamed him had he retired last year. After seeing what a completely green roster could do, and how they were able to gel as the year went on, I don't see why FOUR wouldn't give it one more go. And bring in Randy Moss. He might actually be motivated back in the NFC North, with Favre to keep him in line. Young defense playing pretty well, O-Line becoming cohesive, Driver-Jennings-Moss(?) WR tandem. Find some D-line talent and get a young RB and the uptick continues.