Answering the Mail #3

I read the sad news about Patrick Swayze. I believe he'll wage a courageous battle, but life is short. That being said, I think it is time to evaluate his movie career. My question is four-fold: where does Swayze rank all-time among actors? (Yes, I want a number, and who would rank just ahead of him and just below him.) What is his greatest role? What was his greatest misstep? And when his day comes, will he get a loud ovation during the In Memoriam segment of the Oscars, or polite golf claps?" -- Tara T., Virginia

Tara T.,

For the record: I can’t believe I’m doing this, and any bad karma I receive for the following article may it be revisited upon your head ten fold. With that being said, Patrick Swayze is a J-O-K-E joke. Sorry to break it to you.

I would rank him #2 all time between Tom Hanks and Paul Newman. Wait, I live in a little place called reality where P. Swayz did a movie called “To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.”

P. Swayz’s greatest role: Darry Curtis, “The Outsiders”

Greatest misstep: The 90's

Loud ovation or golf clap? : People haven't forgotten about that SNL skit he did with Chris Farley. He’ll get a healthy ovation.

I have a feeling my Patrick Swazye reality is far different than Tara T.’s Patrick Swazye reality. Not long ago my Patrick Swazye reality consisted of off color comments with sardonic undertones. Now, because he’s battling pancreatic cacer (opposed to battling knife wielding, flannel wearing, mullet sporting, fists of fury villains) my Patrick Swazye reality is screwed. Nowadays when he pops up in conversation (which is a lot lately) I have to exercise restraint and show respect which I hate doing…

Now that I have that off my chest… I hope he pulls through so everything can go back to normal.

Thanks for the question.