Mad, Mad, Mad...F-Bomb!

Beck pointed this vid out to me today. We both agree that this actually humanizes Berman a little bit. As Beck said, "I bet I'd enjoy watching football with him off-camera." Just don't walk around while he's trying to concentrate.

Hump Day Homily, 2/6/2008

I'm usually a little more prompt with the homily, but last night, embittered by the lack of surprise in Super Tuesday returns, I put on my best pantsuit, hit the bar scene/campaign trail, drank too much booze, and cried strategically. Understandably, I was a bit uncooperative with the alarm clock this morning.

OK, let's get away from Super Tuesday for a second, and reflect back to Super Sunday. Below you'll find the video of Randy Moss catching a touchdown pass to give the Patriots a brief 14-10 lead.



One question: what the hell is Moss doing with that celebratory gesture? It looks like he's doing the breaststroke. Is he taunting Mark Spitz?

(Equally interesting to me: in the comments section on this video's YouTube page, some user talks shit to the Patriots by quoting Thom Yorke. Because when I think about smackdown scribes, I first think of Thom Yorke.)

Now below you'll find a celebration (well, slide ahead to about the 3:30 mark, and then you'll find it):



Or you could go with the ol' Jeff Thomason standby:

T!

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One more thing about Super Bowl XLII: Ellie shouldn't be so modest. Yeah, the Tyree catch was miraculous, but what's lost in all the Tyree love is that Ellie somehow shook off a 300-pound lineman who had him dead-to-rights, and then got his shit together in time to heave the ball downfield. I'm sure a part of Tiki died inside at that very moment. The rest of his soul likely expired when he had to interview the victorious Manning the next morning. I love it!

I think the main reason that Tyree was able to make that great grab was that he was defended by Rodney Harrison before the whistle. We all know Rodney is at his best after the whistle.

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Five questions after Super Tuesday:
1. Can't McCain get that left cheek of his filed down to match the other one? (Although the imbalanced face is a small price to pay to beat down cancer.)
2. If Mitt Romney wants to throw away money, do you think he would pay me to say nice things about him? (That will be as effective as anything else he does from here on out.)
3. Charles Gibson (or his ABC producers) once had to float Mike Huckabee money for a new shirt? Really?
4. Will I cry if I find myself voting for Hillary in November?
5. Obama can't universally beat that shrill, calculating politician in today's political climate?

Also, it will be tough to shake the '08 buzzword — change — especially since an energized Huckabee will be on the street corners begging for it to keep his train a-rollin'.

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Why don't I own a snowblower?

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Evidence that 15-year-old boys are blinded by horniness: one such lad was hittin' this...

Any friend of my son is a fuck of mine.

Here's the story, from the Orlando Sentinel:

Altamonte Springs woman accused of having sex with 15-year-old
by Rene Stutzman, Sentinel Staff Writer

SANFORD — A 46-year-old Altamonte Springs woman is in the Seminole County Jail, accused of having a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old boy.

Kathleen Louise Schulte was arrested last night by Altamonte Springs police.

Department spokesman Officer Tim Hyer said she and the 15-year-old boy, a friend of her son, said they were in love.

Hyer said he was not sure how long the two had been sexually involved but that a law enforcement investigation began in November.

Schulte was being held without bail on a charge of sexual assault of a minor.

At least they were in love. (Mmmpfh.)

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And speaking of fucking a kid, how about another Florida fortysomething who was conscientious enough to seat-belt in the Busch Light but not a toddler in the back seat?

Driver straps in case of beer, not baby

From the article:

In a purse belonging to Williams, the deputy found two metal pipes commonly used to smoke drugs.

No!

At least they released the toddler to her mother...who happened to be riding in the back seat with her unrestrained daughter. (?????)

Not your average balancing skill game

Our son has a lot of toys. We are on a mission to get him in the Guinness Book of World Records for "Most Little People Toys in a Single Room." He has fire engines, he has numerous little cars, he has a set of plastic golf clubs. (Start 'em young.)

But things have taken an unfortunate turn: my son enjoys playing Blockhead!

What is Blockhead, you say? Why, it's Parker Brothers balancing skill game. It's like Jenga, only conceived during a series of acid trips with Pink Floyd's Atom Heart Mother playing in the background. Instead of removing and replacing rectangular wooden blocks, you are forced to balance things shaped like pegs, hearts, arches, and letters such as "L" and the Nazi "S." I have taken a picture of the box as a visual supplement — dig the color scheme.

Look at these assholes.

The idea is to stack these pieces one at a time without causing the tower of shapes to come tumbling down. Sounds like a wonderful developmental tool for my son, right? And this game has been a warhorse. I've had this game as long as I can remember; I think you can see the ring from a beer can on the dad's face, which tells you this game emerged from the vault during my college years.

But this is the UG — let's look at what's wrong with the game.

First off, if the picture on the box is any indication, it appears only losers play this game. As a youngster, I was too naive to realize this fact, and my parents never warned me. In college, I was too out of sorts to know or care about this fact. Now that I'm older and wiser (and not hosting keg parties), I can be proactive with my son rather than reactive.

In the example pictured on the box, we see Dad, Brother, and Sister playing the game. Where's Mom? That's what the kids have been wondering for years! Dad hasn't the heart to tell them that Mom hooked up with a new family, where she joins her new husband and stepkids in a rousing game of Run Yourself Ragged (see picture) while wearing cool clothes.

As someone familiar with Blockhead!, I can tell you that the picture on the box tells one of two possible stories: this game was staged, as I've never seen a legitimate game of Blockhead! reach such a climax (in other words, boredom sets in long before this many pieces are stacked), or these guys are real nerds who actually are this intrigued by Blockhead!, and should be terminated to avoid risk of further procreation.

To be fair, Brother is employing a decent "psyche-out" on Daddy-O by leaning in nice and close, threatening to scratch Dad's cornea with his incredible shirt collar. I'm guessing Dad is impervious to this sort of distraction; even though Brother must be causing quite a commotion with all that mouth-breathing, Dad has a nice sound-shield of hair covering the earpiece. If Mr. Blonde had taken this guy hostage in Reservoir Dogs, he would have had to cut off something else — the ear is well concealed.

Bottom line is this: yes, as a parent, I worry about the things to which my son is exposed. I'm only thinking of his well-being. Perhaps it's time to "lose" Blockhead! But what will occupy his gaming time?

Aha! Here's a harmless game:


On second thought, let's just work on that golf swing.

Explosions. Live. March 29. Dominate.

I haven't been this geeked about a show since I don't know when (sadly, perhaps since getting a free ticket from my friend Eric to see Duran Duran three years ago), but I'm so excited (and I just can't hide it!), excited enough to jump on the UG on a Saturday night to brag about having tickets to see Explosions in the Sky.

To help you understand the giddiness, let me direct your attention here. After clicking on the aforementioned link, scroll down past the Decemberists (who also put on a good show in an episode of Austin City Limits that will stay on my HD-DVR for the life of the machine), and watch the video from Explosions' ACL appearance. These three songs ("Yasmin the Light," "Catastrophe and the Cure," and "Memorial") is all you should need.

I'm also seeing Jose Gonzalez 10 days before this show. The old man is getting out in March, baby!