Coping with failure at Fenway

Rough weekend for this Yankees fan: they lost two to the Sox in Fenway, and lost catcher Jose Molina to injury along the way. Since Posada's arm is in worse shape than that of anyone else on the team (with the possible exception of Johnny Damon), the team will have to acquire another backstop.

Papelbon, who ranks right up there with John Rocker in terms of annoyance, absolutely owned Alex Rodriguez on Saturday. We wait through the most ill-timed two-hour rain delay to see A-Rod flail helplessly at Papelbon heat. In the immortal words of Mike Krukow, it was "uno, dos, adios" for A-Rod in that at-bat.

Phil Hughes looked like ass. Again.

Cano cannot hit in April.

Jeter sat out the whole series, and who knows how he'll be when he returns.

The team ordered the desperate excavation of a David Ortiz jersey that was buried inside the concrete of the new stadium. Rather than fending off some "future curse," isn't it possible we just exorcised the demons that had plagued Ortiz so far this season? I should try to trade for him in our fantasy league, as he's due to go off now — that is, until I trade for him, which will claw him into retirement and/or death.

And now Joba is away from the team to be with his ailing father.

In order to deal with this, I'm resurrecting an old favorite. Enjoy the video below.



And one more thing, this time for Fox: What the fuck was the deal with cutting away from Saturday's game to show us the first lap of a 300+ lap NASCAR race when there were 2 outs in the 9th inning of a one-run game, and a TWO-STRIKE COUNT, no less???!!!!???? You seriously couldn't sacrifice another minute or two to see the game to its conclusion? The rubes have spoken: the national pastime has four wheels and a monstrous engine.

Answering the Mail #3

I read the sad news about Patrick Swayze. I believe he'll wage a courageous battle, but life is short. That being said, I think it is time to evaluate his movie career. My question is four-fold: where does Swayze rank all-time among actors? (Yes, I want a number, and who would rank just ahead of him and just below him.) What is his greatest role? What was his greatest misstep? And when his day comes, will he get a loud ovation during the In Memoriam segment of the Oscars, or polite golf claps?" -- Tara T., Virginia

Tara T.,

For the record: I can’t believe I’m doing this, and any bad karma I receive for the following article may it be revisited upon your head ten fold. With that being said, Patrick Swayze is a J-O-K-E joke. Sorry to break it to you.

I would rank him #2 all time between Tom Hanks and Paul Newman. Wait, I live in a little place called reality where P. Swayz did a movie called “To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar.”

P. Swayz’s greatest role: Darry Curtis, “The Outsiders”

Greatest misstep: The 90's

Loud ovation or golf clap? : People haven't forgotten about that SNL skit he did with Chris Farley. He’ll get a healthy ovation.

I have a feeling my Patrick Swazye reality is far different than Tara T.’s Patrick Swazye reality. Not long ago my Patrick Swazye reality consisted of off color comments with sardonic undertones. Now, because he’s battling pancreatic cacer (opposed to battling knife wielding, flannel wearing, mullet sporting, fists of fury villains) my Patrick Swazye reality is screwed. Nowadays when he pops up in conversation (which is a lot lately) I have to exercise restraint and show respect which I hate doing…

Now that I have that off my chest… I hope he pulls through so everything can go back to normal.

Thanks for the question.