Uncoachable Gangsters

A voyeur's thank-you card...

2008-12-20T17:50:00.000-06:00

Where do I apply?

2008-12-15T09:03:00.002-06:00

The Comic: 07/03/2008

2008-07-03T00:08:00.001-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 07/02/2008

2008-07-02T00:12:00.001-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 07/01/2008

2008-07-01T23:21:00.001-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/24/2008

2008-06-24T22:09:00.001-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/23/2008

2008-06-23T21:12:00.001-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

Thanking the thespians

2008-06-23T06:56:00.000-05:00

The Comic: 06/21/2008

2008-06-21T12:00:00.000-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/20/2008

2008-06-20T00:15:00.000-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/19/2008

2008-06-19T00:15:00.000-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

Fun with subtitles

2008-06-18T19:59:00.006-05:00

My love/hate relationship with Whitney Matheson yields yet another fun way to waste time. The Jaman Subtitler lets you write your own captions to 30-second movie clips. Here's my first go at it...Mario and Luigi Got KilledCracker DealerJoke's On You, Buddy

Most praise is sarcastic, Onion reports

2008-06-18T19:15:00.000-05:00

The Comic: 06/18/2008

2008-06-18T00:30:00.000-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/17/2008

2008-06-17T00:30:00.000-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/16/2008

2008-06-16T00:30:00.001-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/15/2008

2008-06-15T01:00:00.002-05:00

Uncoachable GangstersUncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/14/2008

2008-06-14T01:00:00.002-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/13/2008

2008-06-13T01:00:00.001-05:00

Uncoachable GangstersUncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/12/2008

2008-06-12T01:00:00.001-05:00

Uncoachable GangstersUncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/11/2008

2008-06-11T01:00:00.000-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/10/2008

2008-06-10T01:00:00.000-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/09/2008

2008-06-09T01:00:00.000-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/08/2008

2008-06-08T01:00:00.000-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/07/2008

2008-06-07T01:00:00.000-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/06/2008

2008-06-06T01:00:00.002-05:00

Uncoachable GangstersThis is quite the likeness in the last panel of the following strip:Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/05/2008

2008-06-05T01:11:00.000-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

The Comic: 06/04/2008

2008-06-04T01:05:00.001-05:00

Uncoachable Gangsters

U.G., The Comic: The Beginning

2008-06-02T22:23:00.001-05:00

I started using the web comic program at Toonlet.com to produce "Uncoachable Gangsters" in comic form. I was inspired by the recent no-call at the end of Game 4 of Lakers-Spurs to create this Game 7 scenario. Hope you enjoy the first eight installments below, and keep checking for new strips — for once, I plan to post new stuff every day.(And yes, the similarities between the names of our two

I could have spelled this one

2008-06-02T08:32:00.001-05:00

Note that the word reader didn't even break character — what a numbnut.

Coping with failure at Fenway

2008-04-14T12:50:00.005-05:00

Rough weekend for this Yankees fan: they lost two to the Sox in Fenway, and lost catcher Jose Molina to injury along the way. Since Posada's arm is in worse shape than that of anyone else on the team (with the possible exception of Johnny Damon), the team will have to acquire another backstop.Papelbon, who ranks right up there with John Rocker in terms of annoyance, absolutely owned Alex

Answering the Mail #3

2008-04-05T11:59:00.019-05:00

I read the sad news about Patrick Swayze. I believe he'll wage a courageous battle, but life is short. That being said, I think it is time to evaluate his movie career. My question is four-fold: where does Swayze rank all-time among actors? (Yes, I want a number, and who would rank just ahead of him and just below him.) What is his greatest role? What was his greatest misstep? And when his day

Answering the Mail #2

2008-03-23T23:53:00.006-05:00

Atonement sucked. How did it get so many Academy Award nominations? I couldn't even watch the whole thing. — Tim, Iowa CityChris: Um, didn't see it? Beck?Beck: Negative, Ghostrider.Chris: OK, um, Rev.?The Rev. Ug: Hell no. [leaves room]Chris: Matt T.?[Matt T, laid up by tuberculosis, points to his Facebook review. 3-1/2 stars, with the comment "I think James McAvoy is a candy ass."]Chris: Hmmm.

Sascha-tested, UG-approved

2008-03-23T23:51:00.001-05:00

Philanthropy, yo.

Answering the Mail #1

2008-03-19T09:48:00.011-05:00

Some of our readers seek specific wisdom, so we thought we'd respond to certain questions. If you have a question you'd like one of the Uncoachable Gangsters to answer, write to us at the_rev_ug@msn.com."How are the Cubs gonna fuck it up this year?" — Tito G, La JollaTravis responds:I'm gonna answer this by position. If somehow the Cubs can steer clear of the following things, they might have a

We're alive...and reading your e-mail!

2008-03-11T22:53:00.003-05:00

Hi, we're still around. Sorry for the inactivity — I feel it necessary to apologize to the 20-some hits we get per day. Some of us are taking FOUR's retirement a little too hard.To help make up for it, we're going to do a mailbag post in the next couple of days, just to show that we do care about our readers. Before we get to that, we'll throw you an Onion video suggested by our new friend Sascha:

Mad, Mad, Mad...F-Bomb!

2008-02-07T22:18:00.001-06:00

Beck pointed this vid out to me today. We both agree that this actually humanizes Berman a little bit. As Beck said, "I bet I'd enjoy watching football with him off-camera." Just don't walk around while he's trying to concentrate.

Hump Day Homily, 2/6/2008

2008-02-06T13:34:00.000-06:00

I'm usually a little more prompt with the homily, but last night, embittered by the lack of surprise in Super Tuesday returns, I put on my best pantsuit, hit the bar scene/campaign trail, drank too much booze, and cried strategically. Understandably, I was a bit uncooperative with the alarm clock this morning.OK, let's get away from Super Tuesday for a second, and reflect back to Super Sunday.

Not your average balancing skill game

2008-02-05T22:34:00.000-06:00

Our son has a lot of toys. We are on a mission to get him in the Guinness Book of World Records for "Most Little People Toys in a Single Room." He has fire engines, he has numerous little cars, he has a set of plastic golf clubs. (Start 'em young.)But things have taken an unfortunate turn: my son enjoys playing Blockhead!What is Blockhead, you say? Why, it's Parker Brothers balancing skill game.

Explosions. Live. March 29. Dominate.

2008-02-02T22:12:00.000-06:00

I haven't been this geeked about a show since I don't know when (sadly, perhaps since getting a free ticket from my friend Eric to see Duran Duran three years ago), but I'm so excited (and I just can't hide it!), excited enough to jump on the UG on a Saturday night to brag about having tickets to see Explosions in the Sky.To help you understand the giddiness, let me direct your attention here.

Hump Day Homily, 1/30/2008

2008-01-29T23:05:00.000-06:00

Scores of readers ("scores" has been loosely defined--ed.) asked me why I didn't deliver a homily last week. For one, I was observing the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday. For another, I'm lazy. Third, I was trying to figure out how to better configure my MySpace profile. (Click here to see it.) And lastly, I forgot my UG password. But I'm back in the saddle to do the Hump Day Dance (all

Fired up for Championship Sunday

2008-01-18T12:15:00.000-06:00

From UG correspondent Jason:Hey Chris,Friends of mine were battling over REAL PACKER fans and FAKE PACKER fans. Anyway, to prove his point, my friend Joe from Montello spent his lunch break like this yesterday, and said that's how he is going to watch the game on Sunday. Thought you guys would get a kick out of it.This guy rules. Go Pack!

This is NOT the Rev. Ug

2008-01-17T06:13:00.000-06:00

I was shown this video clip, and then asked if this was our friend the Rev. Ug. I can confidently say no. You'll never hear the Rev apologize for talking about boobs.

Hump Day Homily, 1/16/2008

2008-01-15T20:40:00.000-06:00

Once you all genuflect, we can begin.OK, sorry to keep you hanging...One of my fellow clergymen, the Rev. Al Sharpton, is calling for the head of Kelly Tilghman (right), the Golf Channel play-by-play woman who recently made an unfortunate choice of words when describing the only way for young golfers to defeat Tiger Woods.Ms. Tilghman said something about how these young players would need to "

Basketball Judas Left Lickliter No Chitwoods

2008-01-10T21:37:00.000-06:00

No more than a week ago, I was convincing a buddy of mine that the 2007-2008 Hawkeye Basketball Team was at one of those pivotal points in the season where you thought the light was going to go on. They had just scared the hell out of 11th ranked Indiana in Iowa City and I thought that was it. I said to my buddy, “You know, they are really starting to get it, it’s kind of like in Hoosiers right

Blog commenter's infinite wisdom

2008-01-10T19:13:00.000-06:00

I was reading CNN's political blog today, and a guy known to me only as "Ron, TX" stated quite eloquently why I was so distraught by the results of the New Hampshire primary. Here's his quote:Do you want a candidate who cries for you? Out of stress, thoughts of defeat, and even perhaps a distant idea of making America better? Or do you want a candidate who makes you cry—out of hope, joy, thoughts

Congregation, please be seated ...

2008-01-08T23:41:00.000-06:00

It's my first Hump Day Homily as an official UG. No more filtration by the prick who "runs" this show. He finally trusted me to speak for myself, typos and all. So let's get to it.New Hampshire voted for two people who graduated with Vinny Testaverde. Yeah, that means they're fucking old. How old? Hillary Clinton is credited with discovering fire, and John McCain was the town elder who kicked

Iron Maiden, Flying in Style

2008-01-03T21:56:00.000-06:00

Who knew that the band placing 24th on VH1's "100 Greatest Artists of Hard Rock" had such a sweet ride? Military planes should be decked out in similar fashion — war would be a thing of the past. Take a look at Iron Maiden's personalized jet:You can read the story about the Eddie plane at Spinner.

Overlooked Tecmo perfection

2008-01-02T23:05:00.000-06:00

Our New Year's resolution: to post stuff here more than once a month. To start 2008, I've asked The Rev. Ug, our good friend, mentor, and inspiration, to narrate a film produced by Uncoachable Gangsters. While the 2007 New England Patriots are bathing in the glory of an undefeated regular season, we ask that you remember the outstanding feats of the Houston Oilers during a most grueling May 1992

Uncoachable Gangster of the Day: 12/5/2007

2007-12-05T21:54:00.000-06:00

Wow, it's been more than three months since we've bestowed this honor, so let's return with a bang (or should I say, let's blow things up with this):U.G. of the Day: Jose SandovalSenor Sandoval has become the latest in a long line of the Internet's infamous. This dude was caught doing (in his words) "a drunken, stupid thing": he jacked a sex store, making off with the finest in inflatable

I Heart Huckabee's Humor

2007-11-21T01:16:00.001-06:00

I'd never vote for the guy, but this is rather amusing:And then there's this unintentionally hilarious Tom Tancredo ad. What an asshat.

I have no idea what I'm posting

2007-11-01T14:28:00.000-05:00

I have just a couple of minutes before I must get back to work, and there's no volume in this lab, but UG Matt forwarded this to me, saying I need to post this, so here goes. A blind (well, deaf, in this case) posting:

From the Onion News Network ...

2007-10-30T22:41:00.000-05:00

Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again

Girardi it is

2007-10-30T22:05:00.000-05:00

Here's what I said on this very blog after the Tigers deposited the 2006 Yankees on their collective ass in the Wild Card round:"The Yankees should hire Joe Girardi. And we (couldn't go 100 words without reverting to "we" when discussing the Yankees) should bring in guys like Girardi to play on this team: the Paul O'Neills, the Scott Brosiuses, the Tino Martinezes ... in other words, guys you

Huh.

2007-10-26T01:10:00.000-05:00

9/11 Protesters Try to Topple Bill Maher

2007-10-22T06:22:00.000-05:00

I love Bill Maher. (And after Friday's episode of "Real Time," I also love Garry Kasparov.) And while I love the First Amendment, I also love civility. If I showed up at the studio where "Hannity & Colmes" is filmed, ranting about how the 1969 moon landing was a fake job, do you think the security folks would send me to makeup, apply powder to reduce the shine, clip a mic on my lapel, and give me

Modern Media Interaction

2007-10-09T21:51:00.000-05:00

The Onion rules. Again.

Question: How is Tim Riggins still in school?

2007-10-09T21:37:00.000-05:00

Lord, grant me another year of eligibility. Amen."Friday Night Lights" is back. "Lead Pipe" Landry is a distressing situation, but I'm much more concerned/confused about another thing:Tim Riggins is still on the Dillon Panthers?I was under the impression that in Season One, Street, Lyla, and Riggins were all seniors; Smash was a junior; Saracen and Julie (and probably Landry) were sophs; Tyra was

State of the U.G.: Baseball

2007-10-09T21:07:00.000-05:00

Ouch.Chien Ming Wang forecasting his WHIP in the Cleveland series.Chris' Yankees, more specifically Chien Ming Wang and Roger Clemens, got worked over by the Tribe. Those bastards got more two-out hits in four games than most teams get in a season. They hit something in the neighborhood of .500 with runners in scoring position with two outs. Texas Leaguers, doubles off the wall, you name it, they

King Kong Gundy

2007-09-25T06:40:00.000-05:00

I've been away from the blog for a while, but this seems like a good way to return. I'm glad I didn't write the column in question here. I'd have pissed myself, and not from laughing.

My son, aka "The Don," is trying to intimidate me

2007-09-07T22:37:00.001-05:00

As I'm getting ready for work this morning, I think I notice something in my bed. I pull back the sheets and find this:Message received, Godfather. Later bedtime, more story reading, you name it.

Big Ten Network buzz

2007-08-30T22:37:00.001-05:00

I don't feel I should comment on the Big Ten Network, but I thought it would be interesting to compile quotes from the media outlets in the Big Ten schools' area. By the way, for reference, Fox is a co-owner of the Big Ten Network."It was never our desire for negotiations to become public. We have always wanted to sit down behind closed doors and hammer out a deal. Unfortunately, it hasn't played

Vick's replacement no dog in eyes of gay fans

2007-08-30T22:33:00.000-05:00

Sorry, guys, he's taken.This story ran in the Detroit Free Press, whose staff obviously love the Lions' former first-round bust so much that they continue to write stories about Joey Harrington, even though he's now two teams separated from his Detroit tenure. Apparently the gay gridiron gang is fired up about Harrington taking the reins in Hotlanta.Gay fans back Joey Harrington in Atlanta(Note

U.G. = Uncoachable Genius

2007-08-30T21:47:00.000-05:00

"That was the ultimate in-your-face. I think it was ingenious." — Jordan Moore, Davidson juniorAt my school, there were pranksters. We'd mouth words at the shop teacher with the hearing aid, and after he turned up his Beltone, we'd pump up the volume of our voices (and, naturally, hilarity ensued). Some of the rubes in our school once snuck a greased pig into the building, resulting in the

The next Coachella reunion? (Holy fuckin' shit)

2007-08-28T23:22:00.000-05:00

MBV ... the best band not named The Cure, Interpol, or the Beatles.Please let this rumor be true — not because I think I have the money, time, or freedom to go to Coachella next year, but because maybe Kevin Shields and company would finally try their hand at another recording.My Bloody Valentine to reunite for Coachella?

The U.G.: Not above piling on

2007-08-28T23:21:00.000-05:00

Regarding Miss Teen South Carolina's superb response to Aimee Teegarden's query about finding the United States on a map: Nobody's talking about the cool demeanor of Mario Lopez. So we thought we'd post this video to show how A.C. Slater handled the squeemish moment. No other reason to show this video. I just hope the U.S. Americans in South Africa and the Iraq can find a way to watch this.

Colorado's a cutthroat school

2007-08-28T21:56:00.001-05:00

Nothing quite says "Welcome Back!" like a freshman getting throat slashed by a crazy one-time food slopper. From the Colorado Daily, the University of Colorado at Boulder's paper:If you want to read the story, click here.If you click on the photo above, you'll get a larger view, where you'll also see the headline in the right rail that reads, "Would you pay for a penis bone?" Well, would you?

UG correspondents: God love 'em

2007-08-23T22:24:00.000-05:00

It's hard work linking to other people's writing. I can't do it alone. Fortunately, two faithful UG readers have pointed me in the direction of some required reading, which, in turn, I will share with the uncoachable masses.First, UG correspondent Steph pointed out the following article about the multimillion-dollar swingers business:Swingers are growth business for U.S. firmsFirst off, is my

To Tiki, Archie, and the C.R. "baseball fan"

2007-08-21T22:53:00.000-05:00

"He didn't feel like his voice was going to be strong enough and it showed. Sometimes it was almost comical the way that he would say things." Tiki Barber, talking about Eli Manning giving a talk to his offense during Week 12 last season.Let's see, Tiki, that must have been about two weeks after you revealed that you were cashing in your chips, eventually to play Katie Couric. That's

Ted Leo + Clarkson + YYY = Fuck Yeah

2007-08-17T06:34:00.000-05:00

This isn't anything new (it's a couple of years old, in fact), but I really felt like hearing this song today and thought you might too. So here you go: Ted Leo covering Kelly Clarkson's "Since U Been Gone," with a little interlude of Yeah Yeah Yeahs' "Maps" thrown in for good measure. Enjoy.

Pigskin ponderings

2007-08-16T23:54:00.000-05:00

Checking in on the Michael Vick story this afternoon, I found one of those uncomfortable juxtapositions between the news article on CNN.com and the accompanying advertisement. This time, the ad box embedded within the article was for ... PetMeds. Little too late for that in this case, doncha think? If only I had done a screen capture ...If you're as old as me, you probably remember Jon Bon Jovi

'Tis but a scratch!

2007-08-14T22:08:00.000-05:00

Apparently "the Black Knight" has a relative over in Japan who's into motorcycling in addition to ignoring the loss of limbs. Here's the story from the Reuters wire service:Japanese biker fails to notice missing legThis is like the guy who made the news awhile back for severing his finger on a stool at a strip club yet waited 15 minutes to get medical attention, but in an absent-minded and more

For Woody Austin, PGA runner-up

2007-08-13T22:30:00.001-05:00

"It just happens that he scored better. He took advantage; I didn't. Does that mean he played better than me or he is better than me? I don't accept that." Woody Austin, as quoted in The IndependentTo answer your question, Woody: Yes he did, and yes he is. Accept it.

Karaoke guy gets played over Coldplay

2007-08-10T21:54:00.000-05:00

You heard the lady: no more @#$%^#@ Coldplay!Let's hope this becomes a sweeping epidemic across the land; I'm only surprised that this didn't happen at the Dude Ranch while Beast was tending bar ....Karaoke singer attacked after starting (Coldplay) songA man starts singing a Coldplay song during karaoke. Yep, sounds like my description of hell. I will never understand the popularity of some bands

Look out, rubes!

2007-08-10T06:48:00.000-05:00

When monster trucks attack:More video can be found here.

Panhandling pisses me off

2007-08-09T07:02:00.000-05:00

Headline: Panhandler shot to death; woman charged with murder after being asked for 25 centsA 62-year-old Cincinnati woman, Geraldine Beasley (shown at right), is the triggerwoman who was offended by the request for two bits.Quotable: "That's apparently all there was to it." —Police Chief Tom StreicherNotable: Beasley's attorney, Mass Ionna, told Hamilton County Municipal Court Judge Fanon Rucker

Those confounded confections!

2007-08-06T00:20:00.000-05:00

If this uncoachable dame keeps this up, she'll have to change her last name from Delgado to Gordo. (Or Gorda, to be gender accurate.)This is just another typical "call the police about a sexual assault, only to get busted for stealing bricks upon bricks of fudge" cautionary tale. (Click here to read the story, which includes a photo of "La Gorda" Delgado.)That is the case with Catherine Delgado.

Today's new word is ...

2007-08-03T17:47:00.000-05:00

I learned a new word today. It was used in the comments section of the story about the woman who had just given birth to her 17th kid (in 20 years) and was already looking forward to having more. The word?SnatchlasticityHow was it used in a sentence? To quote the commenter, who goes by the amusing handle "Howie Feltersnatch":"Talk about throwing a hot dog down a hallway, can that woman have any

I remember when this guy ruled

2007-08-02T22:38:00.001-05:00

Yep, I used to say with pride, "I was into the Pumpkins ever since Gish." I once thought that "Corgan" would make a good middle name for my firstborn. Now, it's to the point where I wasn't quite sure if the following article from The Stranger: Seattle's Only Newspaper was bullshit, despite the disclaimer at the end. If you've ever read Billy's web rants, it's seriously hard to tell.If nothing

Contortionists sing about potato salad

2007-07-30T06:50:00.000-05:00

I'd hate for the U.G. to be the last blog to embed/link to this video clip, so here it is. Bear with the annoying song about potato salad, because at about the 1:05 mark, these three birds start doing things with their bodies that boggle the mind.And after reading the Gulbis post, you might catch yourself wondering if she's as bendy as these gals ....

Fore Real? Big Deal!

2007-07-29T20:51:00.000-05:00

Its official she's more than just a pretty face! In a sport dominated by butch women, that may or may not want to hurt me, Natalie Gulbis won her first LPGA tour event this weekend silencing the critics. (don't act like you don't know about the Anna Kournikova comparisons.) So let my insignificant self say:Congratulations, you are HOT! Oh yeah, and you won. What I'm getting at here is this:

Ahman Green shares the green

2007-07-24T22:10:00.000-05:00

This story has been all over the national radar, but what the hell, I can't always be linking to stupid shit like Leaf Face or guys who choke out bobcats.Ahman Green, formerly of the Pack and currently a Houston Texan, wanted to keep his old number (30) as a member of his new team. The guy who had the number, Jason Simmons, put a new twist on the old number-swapping routine. Rather than have

Good Night Sweet Prince of the Trailer Park

2007-06-29T08:25:00.000-05:00

*Ahem*He was strong He was mightyThrowing and batting rightyRod Beck painted the cornersBeer belly and haira strategic glareRod Beck painted the corners.Never afraid to clasha fu manchu mustacheRod Beck painted the corners.For the love of the GameNever dwelling on fameRod Beck painted the cornersThe old-school train of thoughtNicknamed "Shooter" taughtThe art of painting the cornersCountless cans

Uncoachable Gangster(s) of the Day: 6/26/2007 (with a P.S. on Benoit and Cutts)

2007-06-26T22:03:00.000-05:00

Sure, we could lead with Bobby Cutts Jr., or Chris Benoit, but let's go with this crew:Preston Valdez, Kibbol Avila, Jackie Getz, and James Standridge(clockwise from upper left)This crew is in trouble with the law, as they are charged in an incident where a woman was kidnapped, had her head shaved, and was branded (literally) with the word "snitch" on her face.Notable: The woman's brand had

Required Reading: 6/26/2007

2007-06-26T21:32:00.001-05:00

While we wait for Matt T. to write Rod Beck's eulogy, we can read this ...Headline: Lap Dancing on Golf Course Angers NeighborsOK, as you'll see if you click on the headline, there's video that accompanies this. Nothing outlandish, but perhaps not safe to watch at work.From the article: The private golf outing featured lap dance stations, threesomes, and naked women. (Editor's note: Threesomes?

Required Reading: 6/19/2007

2007-06-19T22:33:00.000-05:00

Headline: Man strangles rabid bobcatNot sure I can say anything that this picture doesn't already say.Quotable: "If that cat had attacked a child, it would've been really bad. It wouldn't have quit." -Dale Rippy, the badass who killed the bobcat

Fall Collection, indifference beat Tool

2007-06-19T22:20:00.000-05:00

What were the UGs doing last night?Fall Collection show in Iowa City: 2Not attending live music concerts: 2Tool show in Cedar Rapids: 1Tool got pwned.

I Lost it.

2007-06-15T09:30:00.000-05:00

I will freely admit it. I am a bit late on this entry, so to whom it may concern, my sincerest apologies.Who saw the tribute to Clifford Ray on Sports Center this week? I did.(Sorry, I couldn't find the link.)Clifford Ray: Chicago Bull, Golden State Warrior, Animal Lover, and Amateur Surgeon? For those of you who missed it I'll touch on the main points of the story. For those of you who caught

Follow-up on Trudeau (full of fantasy football tips)

2007-06-13T12:12:00.000-05:00

Jack Trudeau, Uncoachable Gangster of June 4, 2007, has pleaded innocent to a felony charge of obstruction of justice, according to an Associated Press report.The AP quoted Trudeau as saying, "Contrary to characterizations of the events, we were not hosting an underage drinking party. We were cooperative and helpful in every matter."The wire service went on to reference a police report that

Required Reading: 6/7/2007

2007-06-07T06:43:00.000-05:00

Headline: Animal Cruelty Case Yields Doggone DismissalNotable: Jayna Hutchinson, now of Lebanon, N.H., was scheduled for a jury trial on a misdemeanor charge of cruelty to animals for "staring" at a police dog in a "taunting/harassing manner."Quotable: "Prosecuting a woman for staring at a police dog is absurd." —Kelly Green, public defenderBanner ad alert: When I read this story, there was an ad

Simmons: Still great. Cowherd: Still an ass

2007-06-06T21:18:00.000-05:00

My reading habits of one Bill Simmons (right) fell off the map a long time ago, mainly because I hate the Red Sox, I hate the Patriots, and I am not the biggest NBA fan in the world. So he throws me the verbal equivalent of chin music every time I step in the box. But I still respect the guy's knowledge along with his humor.This is just another way that I differ from Colin Cowherd.Click on the

Required Reading: 6/6/2007

2007-06-06T20:52:00.000-05:00

Headline: Real Stiff DrinkSubhead: Man sues shake maker for 3-day ordealNotable: Christopher Woods said that drinking cans of Boost Plus Nutritional Energy Drink left him with an erection that lasted three days.Quotable: "It was awful. It was painful. I would always wear jeans, but it was hard to go out, so I had to buy some sweatpants." —Woods (name is fitting)Tough choice: Woods could undergo

LeBron might have screwed up my NBA Finals boycott

2007-05-31T23:57:00.000-05:00

I was all set to ignore the inevitable Pistons-Spurs snoozefest Finals, when a funny thing happened on the way to the exits ...I turned on Game 5 of the Eastern Conference Finals once I noticed that this pivotal tilt was tied after three quarters. The score ran along the ticker underneath the Women's College World Series game I was watching, which I turned on after seeing the conclusion of the

I hate "Pulling Out."

2007-05-30T09:33:00.000-05:00

Once again gentleman it is time to roll the tongues up for another year. The Miss Universe pageant has come and gone.Personally, I love watching women in their early twenties, who may or may not have eating disorders, periodically take the spotlight amongst sparkling objects, visible rib cages, and AC Slater’s toothy smile. Am I in heaven?A good friend of mine watched the entire program. He told

Required Reading: 05/30/2007

2007-05-30T06:37:00.000-05:00

Headline: Wendy's customer opens fire on Miami staff over condimentsQuotable: "As soon as I realized I was shot, I started praying to God. I don't think he'd want me to die over some chili." —Renel Frage, the Wendy's managerNotable: A security guard was on duty at the time, but he was asleep during the ordeal. The sound of gunshots woke him up.Headline: Robber wanted money ... and a dateQuotable

Required Reading: 05/18/2007

2007-05-18T21:12:00.000-05:00

Headline: Family's Punching Bag Holds Smelly SurpriseSubhed: Man Says Bag Filled with UnderwearQuotable: "Bad, real bad." —Joe Heckel, about the smellNotable: A new, non-underwear-filled bag would be shipped to Heckel shortlyHeadline: Oral Sex can Add to HPV Cancer RiskQuotable: "When you look at the cancers associated with HPV in men—including penile cancer, anal squamous cell carcinoma, oral

Bo Knows Tecmo

2007-05-18T20:54:00.000-05:00

If all you Tecmo fans out there haven't seen this YouTube delight, click the link below. It probably looks similar to the good ol' days in the dorms or at home with the fellas, schoolin' fools with the Tecmo weave. I've never ran out a whole quarter on one play, though. This makes me rethink my Top 19 Tecmo Bowl Players list from last year.Here's the link, courtesy of UG correspondent Danny: Bo

FOUR, Spurs, and Other Sports Stuff

2007-05-16T18:51:00.000-05:00

Brett Favre aka FOURJimmy Johnson love slave Chris Mortensen has reported that FOUR will indeed attend minicamp this weekend instead of planning graduation banquets. Good. Leadership is needed.Not that Brett doesn't have reason for his recent ventilation of frustration. Imagine you're a GM and you have the following offered to you:You can have a potential game-breaker, a guy who has polished his

Required Reading: 05/04/2007

2007-05-04T17:42:00.000-05:00

Headline: Fender-bender at Mickey-D’s leads to fatal wreckNotable: Mr. Diehl told police he took five prescription drugs, including morphine sulfate, within the 24 hours leading up to the crash.Headline: Owner lay dead while pair toured her homeQuotable (my favorite in quite some time): "I've smelled death. I know what death smells like. I can't believe my sinuses were that bad." —Linda

Ted Leo: Everything that is right about music

2007-04-28T00:32:00.000-05:00

What a show he (and the Pharmacists) put on at the Picador tonight. This guy does everything so right: writes good hooks, varies the styles in his music just enough to maintain interest throughout an entire 2-hour set, throws "curve balls" into his music via sweet pedal effects and time changes, and interacts very well with his crowd. And energy! When Loki says "Mass genocide is the most